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This morning I read from John 21, Peter’s fireside conversation with the Lord over breakfast. Oh, I so needed this conversation with the Lord today. I could almost hear the slosh of the waves, and the crackle of the fire as I read this passage over a hot cup of vanilla tea, curled up on my sofa, and I felt the Spirit of God rest on the moment.
As Peter sat on the shore, a personal audience with Jesus, he sat with an awareness that he had failed completely. Yup. I can relate. In fact, the last fire that Peter had warmed his hands over had been the moment his heart fled in fear from the cross that he was certain was his own to bear if he followed Christ any further (John 18:18). And yet, here he sat over breakfast with the same Jesus who came to restore the failures of a man who was driven by emotion and fear.
Did you ever have a day…or let’s be honest, a whole season…where you were driven by your own fears and emotion and at the end of the day felt like a complete failure? Yesterday was one of those days for me. It was full of melt downs, tears, and tantrums, followed by soccer practice which in my opinion was a complete disaster (in which mommy gave the kids an earful of pointed words in the car on the way home.) It was a day where out of frustration, I yielded to the yelling that I really try to refrain from when it comes to my kids. Nobody wants to yell at their kids. I just couldn’t take it anymore. At the end of the day the best thing that I could do was go to bed and get some sleep. Just end the day already. I know I’m not alone….(Come on moms, don’t leave me hangin’!! Someone give me an amen!)
Then, this morning as I sat fireside in my living room, I opened my Bible and began to read in John 21, and as I did the Lord began to heal my hurts and failures of yesterday. He spoke peace to my heart, and I found my heart unwavering, this time the Lord’s voice leading me to see the cross that I was always meant to bare, and it no longer strikes fear in my heart, the kind of fears a mother hears when her kids are in chaos. ”Your kids are never going to turn out right. You’re screwing up. You’re doing it all wrong. What will other people think of you?” Wanting to follow the Christ in me, I want to silence the voice of fear, kill my own pride, and move forward in His steps, but sometimes it’s just so hard.
I’m so thankful for the Spirit of God that comes to find us, and restore our failures. This time, my response to His “Follow Me!” is “Yes.” That’s all we need to do is say yes. That’s all Peter ever needed to say was yes. In my yes, I find the Christ in me takes over. His love fills my heart. Not the kind of love that is based on emotion (phileo). But, the agape love that is unconditional regardless of circumstance. Steady. Sure. Fearless.
I pray for every Mama out there today that the Lord will fill your heart with His “agape” love. The kind of love that is unshakable no matter the circumstance. In the face of meltdowns, and tears, and busyness, and sleeplessness. And, when you feel the pressure and pain of the cross on your soul, you’ll give an unwavering yes to the sound of His voice pressing on your heart and continue walking in Love, unwavering.